It’s that time of the year again when I try to get creative and bang out some witty ones.

  1. Since we resume writers don’t use articles like “a”, “an”, and “the”, the three expressions have gone on strike; we never noticed
  2.  If Animal House were written by a career coach, in the frat house bedroom scene, the devil would be a job board and angel would be networking 
  3.  How can you guarantee you appear on every recruiter’s LinkedIn search for an investment banker? Change your first name to “Investment” and last name to “Banker”
  4.  When an interviewer asks “Tell me about yourself”, answer “Great question I’ve never heard that one” 
  5.  Start a riot on a job board by writing a Reddit post encouraging everyone to apply for the same job at the company that just fired you 
  6.  When asked your greatest weakness say “Stabbing interviewers that don’t like me”
  7.  When asked your salary expectation make it a range starting on the low end with the CEOs comp
  8.  When asked “Tell me about yourself, say “Look at my damn resume right on your screen “
  9.  When asked about your greatest strength, don’t drop your pants 
  10.  If you work for QAnon, best to just show a gap
  11.  If someone asks if you would consider working from a remote location, “Mars” seems to be the best
  12.  If they ask you if you would take COVID vaccine as part of the job offer, don’t get excited and ask for a Herpes and Gonorrhea test also 
  13.  If someone asks if you know AI, don’t say I loved the movie Alien 
  14.  Truism: the only person who can find the typo on your resume is the interviewer
  15.  Pubic offerings of equity and debt will pass through any spellchecker 
  16.  Pubic relations is generally not a job skill, maybe a personal one, though 
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Layoffs season is coming. Join my workshop to prepare yourself.