It’s that time of the year again when I try to get creative and bang out some witty ones.
- Since we resume writers don’t use articles like “a”, “an”, and “the”, the three expressions have gone on strike; we never noticed
- If Animal House were written by a career coach, in the frat house bedroom scene, the devil would be a job board and angel would be networking
- How can you guarantee you appear on every recruiter’s LinkedIn search for an investment banker? Change your first name to “Investment” and last name to “Banker”
- When an interviewer asks “Tell me about yourself”, answer “Great question I’ve never heard that one”
- Start a riot on a job board by writing a Reddit post encouraging everyone to apply for the same job at the company that just fired you
- When asked your greatest weakness say “Stabbing interviewers that don’t like me”
- When asked your salary expectation make it a range starting on the low end with the CEOs comp
- When asked “Tell me about yourself, say “Look at my damn resume right on your screen “
- When asked about your greatest strength, don’t drop your pants
- If you work for QAnon, best to just show a gap
- If someone asks if you would consider working from a remote location, “Mars” seems to be the best
- If they ask you if you would take COVID vaccine as part of the job offer, don’t get excited and ask for a Herpes and Gonorrhea test also
- If someone asks if you know AI, don’t say I loved the movie Alien
- Truism: the only person who can find the typo on your resume is the interviewer
- Pubic offerings of equity and debt will pass through any spellchecker
- Pubic relations is generally not a job skill, maybe a personal one, though
For My 10 best Resume and LinkedIn tips